20 Jul 2017

20th July 2017 Bananas! Pardon? ✔

Thursday 20th 64F, 18C, heavy cloud but dry. Rain by lunchtime. What happened to Tuesday and Wednesday? This is Saturday according to my inner clock. I knew I should have taken the quartz movement upgrade instead of relying on the old-fashioned original. Enjoyed a walk up to the woods going anticlockwise. Spotted one black, feral cat and a very large hare.

Yesterday was a [seasonally adjusted] level of Swallow Exuberance. As flocks of up to 30 birds wheeled around trees and houses in effortlessly tight formation. Today there were only a few stragglers winging their way over the ripe crops. Probably suffering from an adrenaline hangover after yesterday's, superb, aerial gymnastics.

Two [banana] bunches of useful information on the Gravely Blighted News today:
 1. 2/3ds of Alzheimer's is caused by being an old fart.
2. BBC wages are inversely proportional to the £43,000 per week, wage earner's actual value to human progress.
I was going to patent the obvious answer to multiple problems. But euthanasia was already taken.
It seems there are nine factors responsible for 1/3 of the cases of dementia. If only I could remember them... I might have had something to say. It seems though, that I get extra house points for being able to spell Alzheimer's without a spelling checker. Google got it wrong so they must be suffering from dementia already.

Wouldn't that be ironic? Google becomes an aware AI and it has dementia from birth! It wont even recognise itself in the mirror of public hostility as it steadily switches off all humans rights around the globe. Aided and abetted by Universal & Ubiquitously Vulnerable, Windows OS, of course.

Isn't it nice to know that these "broadcasting" wasters and their henchmen are largely responsible for countless poor people spending time in prison for not being able to afford the TV license? You remember BBC TV? The "public service" broadcaster with about as much public service as the mafia. Where democracy of the right to public access to discuss programming and to enjoy the freedom of creative expression is as exclusive as any Royal Family's right to endless handouts. Plus all the free accommodation and TOTAL PRIVACY in multiple palaces, estates and exclusive holiday destinations with servants.

Do you ever wonder why someone <cough> earning a fortune has exclusive rights to privacy not enjoyed  by their "lesser mortals?" Doesn't the ridiculous pay level recognise some responsibility to their adoring [brain dead] fans to share more than a few, deliberately released, compromising images to maintain headline stories? Anything to sell the next tawdry film, pop-porn video or talentless album, and the next. Can any of them "act," "dance" or "sing" with all their clothes on?

Friday 21st 61F, 16C, very heavy overcast, but mostly dry and it may be brighter later. If I don't get a ride soon I shall go bananas. Did you see the video of the chap in the US, shooting selfish ape's vans? They parked across two private driveways to reach the trees, just because they can. The police took the driveway owner away for endangering vehicle tyres with a loaded banana. I'd have arrested the apes with the van for deliberate obstruction.

Banana rights, eh? Can't live with them. Can't live without them. The apes are probably still hiding up in the trees according to the video. And don't give me any of that nonsense about loss of habitat! The bloke with the banana was the [sore] loser. It's a slippery slope when you start carrying bananas in the streets. [Or to college!] All they need for instant banana control is a simple mental test: If you want a banana you're not fit to own one! Send in the next patient, please?

Slightly too warm for my walk along the lanes but it was windier than forecast. I shall of course be seeking compensation for hurt feelings. A flurry of swallows was practicing its acrobatics but not with the same vigour and discipline of the other day. Yesterday's wet weather had ensured mass casualties of slugs on my traditional and well worn route beside the verge. Had I know in advance I could have worn my alpine gaiters.

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19th July 2017 Getting it off my [treasure] chest.


Wednesday 19th 58F, 14C, sunny, bright and clear with a light breeze moving the trees. It could be as warm as 25C [77F] later, possibly with thunderstorms. I am aching all over from yesterday's activities. A walk will help and I'll have to put in a requisition for a bit of R&R on the trike.

I see Their Royal Oil Fences in Saudi Arabia are troubled by beggars pretending to be poverty stricken council road sweepers. The sweepers work 18 hours a day in sweltering heat but get paid less per year than a single, gold thread in the solid gold and diamond encrusted dish of disposable napkins on the the solid gold dining tables in the umpteen, priceless marble and gold, Royal palaces. With more garages each, full of priceless supersportscars, than any humble, American, TV evangelist.

Denmark solved such low pay problem simply enough. By getting rid of all the council road sweepers and all their sweeping machines during the most recent recession. They spent the scrap money on tasteless daubs by Danish modern <cough> artists and Danish architect designer furniture for all their [latest] Town Halls. Which are often modernized from striking, but failed company buildings by Eastern European workers. Who have to sleep on-site and work 8 days a week in exchange for handing their wages back to their <cough> mafia employers. All for the privilege of being brought here in the back of a smuggler's lorry. Along with all the trafficked girls for the highly popular and no doubt extremely lucrative, Danish prostitution trade.

We once stopped the car in a quiet, city cul-de-sac for a nice cup of tea and a Danish pastry. We were overlooked by the huge, Odense police station. It took but a few moments to realise that we were in a <cough> hotbed of prostitution. With clients cruising back and forth in their cars as they waited for the next "member of staff" to become available.

Trafficked women who go to the police for help are put on the next plane home without a penny. Perhaps they should be advised to become a hate preacher at one of the highly popular, invader's mosques. That way they can stay for years and are completely and utterly untouchable. Provided, of course, they can keep the child abuse and mutilation an open secret.

I hear all the Danish women's shelters are so choc-a-block that there is a years-long waiting list. With many desperate customers having to be sent to distant hostels. Well, that's post-benign socialism for you. Same taxes, just far, far fewer options.

It was already a very warm 67F by the time I returned from my golden, rural walk. Fortunately I had roadside shade trees to take off the worst excesses of this crippling heat wave. The two seater Mercedes sports car driver was following his usual [pathetic] line on the same blind corner. Namely overshooting by 6' beyond the double white lines to put him almost completely in the opposite lane. As is his daily habit. And I kid you not.

The odd thing is that he looks like a miserable old version of me but is obviously a much poorer driver. If I overshot a single corner I'd sign up for an intensive advanced driver training course and extended therapy sessions. Other's driving standards are obviously pitifully lower than mine. Well, there's always the insurance to carry the expense of off-roading [in the opposite lane.] What 's a modest speeding fine to the owner of a Mercedes sports car? Particularly when one's reputation, as the fastest, miserable old fart in the village, is at stake?

I hear iRottenapple, of tax free, iPhoney slave production fame, is building at least one [entirely self-serving] server center in Denmark. The facility is expected to consume almost half of Denmark's daily, normal electricity production. The local <cough> sub station covers the equivalent of thousands of village football pitches. When they still existed as such. The Danes are now much too obese to be running about with a ball. Their former playing fields have largely gone over to intensive industrial pig farming to the benefit of the small village mentality.

As a personal favour to this week's [authoritarian] Danish PM, iRottenapple have promised, on pain of massive fines, never to use their literally vast quantities of excess heat for domestic home heating within the Danish national borders. Just in case they start competing with the offshore, hedge fund owned, coal fired power stations. So they [iRottenapple] may well be hoping to sell their excess heat to a grateful Germany via an insulated pipeline laid entirely at Danish taxpayers' expense. Though the labour for the entire project will probably be provided by imported [trafficked] slaves. As is the norm in the EU these days.

It seems that there are not enough windmills already to upset the remaining locals. So iRottenapple is building a massive wind farm to further blight the entire area. No doubt astronauts of the near future will be competing to photograph the server center from space as it glows white hot against the pitch black of the usually deserted [and empty] Danish, rural landscape.

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18 Jul 2017

18th July 2017 Dog sniffing dogs?

Tuesday 18th 58-66F, 14-19C, heavy overcast,  but dry, with a threat of sunshine later. Just another day in paradise. There was a piece on the Gravely  Blighted TV news about a need for dog sniffer dogs [sic] to replace the present drug sniffing dogs. Instead of starting each day with a line of coke, the dog, sniffer dogs are desperately needed to bust the import of illegal, puppy-farmed hairy mutts for the mutts who cannot afford a 'real' one , probably because of all their other habits. 
I'd cut out the middle dog and have dog chip readers in every mobile 'iWotsit.' If the dog's chip fails to register then you should have the legal right to hit the mutt's owner with your laptop or oversized iPhoney 12½, or whatever. Hope this helps?

Evil LOTR extras dressed as ducks.

Time for a walk before I get into any more trouble. Wish me luck! I'm a potential martyr to every drunk, drug addled, deluded commuter with a mobile phone and an empty, bubble-packed ego. As I toddle along, as the close to the verge as I dare in my [charity shop] expeditionary boots. What with killer deer bugs, killer slugs and wolves roaming wild it might actually be safer on the asphalt!

Luckily, it occurred to me at the very beginning of my morning, [dangerous sports] walks to carry some ID. Just in case one of the registered and multiply-banned, drunken sociopaths fails to notice me during a sexting session in his black, two seater Mercedes. As he makes his daily attempt at the Danish Land Speed Record for passing a junior school. He needs a very long run up which passes along my usual route. I just pray I don't end up being roasted on a spit, as road kill, by the local sports club at their annual, overnight, pop festival!

In breaking news: It seems the Danish killer slugs have competition from invading, edible snails. The expert's advice was to take them out with a shovel or garden spade. So I am wondering exactly how large these snails are supposed to be! I have warned The Head Gardener that it will be her responsibility to act as referee in the coming battles as a sort of token, International branch of the Red Cross. Though it seems highly likely to be a rather one-sided affair if the snails can crush the slugs simply by rolling over them!

Well, that was a complete flop!  I arrived at the marsh pond on cue. The costume department had me kitted out as the local tramp. I needed no earpiece prompter to help me with my lines as I prepared for my greatest walk on part..

But will it fly?

When suddenly there were more evil extras, all around me, than a bad dose of LOTR. A thousand immature ducks burst into uproarious laughter at my outlandish garb. As a cross between Dr.Who and Worzel Gummidge, I had thought myself suitably attired for my part. But they were having none of it! So I took a quick snap of the set [for posterity] and beat a hasty retreat. Before there were fatalities to their withering strafes of derision.

Just in time too, as I spotted a Colossal class, [Claas?] agricultural spraying machine. It was very obviously headed my way with evil intent. That certainly explained the strange odour as I entered the field track. At first I had thought it was just me staying in character. But, with my poor sense of smell, it might well have been another, dead cat. So, all in all, not a great morning so far. Far too busy for a ride today.

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17 Jul 2017

15th July 2017 It's never just about the new Audi!


Saturday 15th 50-66F, 10-19C, bright and clear. A walk along the lanes to capture a few pictures of yesterday's harvesting. The fields were covered in spaced lines of golden hay. No ride today.

Sunday 16th 58-65F, 14-18C, heavy overcast with rain or showers promised. It was horribly wet all morning and then well into the afternoon.  In the absence of floats on my trike, nor even a wet suit to my name, I decided to take the easy option. By avoiding going out all together.

Monday 17th 59-66F, bright and breezy becoming more cloudy. Another busy day but I was allowed out for my vital, morning walk and a late afternoon ride, of 7 miles, to the shops.

It seems I am well in touch with my inner self. At least, I am  according to a Netflix documentary. Walking in the countryside is like meditating but without the usual distractions. One can become aware of all that surrounds us without the fidgeting and constant resetting of one's consciousness. Or that sort of thing. One could say I rely more on intuition and emotional choices than cold logic. Which [apparently] makes me a better balanced person. 'Balance' being the most important aspect of tricycling on, or off road. I am, and always was, willing to risk failure.

I owe it all to the swallows and skylarks and even the farmers as I wallow in my warm bath of Danish, rural nature. Mind as blank as the next enticing page of an essay "exercise" book as I plod along with less than urgent haste. Though I understand that little or no "exercise" is necessary these days. Largely because of the deformities caused to young people by the sheer weight of their laptops on the curriculum. Not to mention the universal spinal curvature so common to the latest generations.

It seems my obsession with tricycling is well and truly over. For which I can warmly thank one paranoid schizophreniac on the triking forum. Where I was the endlessly patient, polite, benign and hopeful moderator but an [alleged] tyrant to one, sick individual. Empathy, and a weird sense of humour, is in short supply amongst many of us, it seems. Where violence is becoming the norm. Even amongst investment bankers and [quite recently] the priesthood.

I can still ride my trike fast enough to satisfy my modest ambitions but now have absolutely no idea of my potential range. I usually managed around 85 miles or 130km at least once a year. Such distances always assume that the distance can be covered from beyond a leisurely breakfast while still returning before dark. The drive to achieve such distances is now all but gone. Thank goodness! The Head Gardener is no longer a tricycling widow. A mixed misfortune, at best, because she must now suffer my presence for infinitely more hours than in the past. Now I must pretend to hide on the computer, in my dormer window looking out onto the garden trees, or in the equally untidy shed.

I have recently had my first "falling off" in years. In fact the first since my return to tricycling and all those tens of thousands of miles managed unscathed. Back then I twice fell off onto grass after leaving the tarmac in a hurry. Finding soft ground a poor substitute with regards to lateral stability is apt to lead to a diagonal 'header.' The ground is always a long way down on a trike. You can't just lay it over and slide. It needs to tumble along its ground contact, hinge lines.

Tricycling cured my eyesight. Instead of staring at the foreground, at work and being unable to read a clock on the wall without glasses. My vision now settled habitually on distance and I need only a pair of £5 supermarket "reading glasses" to function normally. As far as 'normal' is an apt term for yours truly. 'Normal' is a term subject to considerable misinterpretation.

It is odd to think that I spent years suffering from my tricycling excesses. Not just the constant leg pain from their daily abuse of the flailing pedals. But my back, my shoulders and my hands demanded almost constant notice for their own pain. All those miles were not without their real and human toll. The rewards must have been well in excess of the negatives or I would have ceased long ago and retired almost literally to my retiree's "death bed." Household names seemed to be dropping like flies so my own mortality could not be that far flung from reality.

I spent almost as many hours writing about my exploits as doing them. Initially I had used my blog to maintain my interest and daily distances. It was one of my survival ploys after I was "let go" [at the age of 63 with piss poor Danish skills and little else to commend me] by my Danish/multinational employers. As they took over and then exported an entire factory full of real lives for a better Audi and probably a larger house on a hideous modern "executive" estate. It wasn't just the sacking of the entire workforce, of course, but its impact on the entire semi-rural community, its ecosystem and its surprisingly fragile economy.

Local shops and services no longer enjoyed their traditional customer base. The empty souls who wandered between bullying sessions at the local <cough> Job Center and pointless courses 30 miles away only exacerbated the problem. The Job Centers literally had no local jobs to offer. None. Zero. Zilch. Bugger all.

This all coincided with a rise in right wing politicooze as the Danes desperately tried to slow the influx of foreign invaders. Their race memories of Vikings and Danes exploits abroad now long forgotten. Suddenly every crook, spiv and 'chancer' had the ear of the truly desperate Danes.

They, the Danes, had worked hard all their lives just to pay the highest taxes in the world. Their reward was benign socialism from outdoor cradle to an early [smoker's and drinker's] grave. Now there was a mosque on every corner and the aliens were being freely handed all the social housing. All without so much as a single minute's contribution! Instead of a grudging pidgin "mange tak" the invaders were downright uppity. They wore their traditional dress and demanded the Danes did so as well! Or they would [allegedly] send "the terrorists" around to practice their atrocities before going off to war against guess who?

Yes, that's right, The Danes in the international <cough> peacekeeping corpse. Who, despite putting their lives on the line every day and night are taxed. Just so that Denmark can afford to pay these very same IS terrorists their Danish social security. Denmark was required by international and EU law to send overseas social security clerks to the front line to ensure the terrorists get their entitlements despite not actively seeking work in Denmark. Unemployed Danes, even wounded, ex-service people have their social security cut off after two years. But not the IS fighters. All thanks to benign Danish socialism.

Meanwhile the "alien's" kids constantly start fires in the social apartment blocks and throw stones at the firemen who come to put the fires out! Later they would form cosy gangs and take over the drugs trade from the nasty Danish rockers. Before starting armed wars with each other to gain territory or just to protect their threatened sales patch.

On those rare days, away from their personal grindstones, the Danes would find the shops full of foreign invaders. Spending their generous social security which the Danes had paid for in blood, sweat, tears and endless disappointment over the long decades of benign but tight-fingered and intrinsically authoritarian socialism. Now, with the right wing firmly in charge, there is even less money to spend on "SERVICES". So unskilled labour finds itself without yet another avenue of exploration for highly competitive unemployment. If there is such demand for the unemployed then why are they so poorly paid compared with [say] the politicooze? Few of whom seem to have ever held down a real job.

My "own" factory closure naturally coincided with others as the moneyed stashed their ill gotten, tax free gains of-shore as fast as they exported all the real jobs to China or Russia or any other slave wage economy. Soon only weeds thrived and expanded on the newly deserted industrial estates. Around which I pedaled optimistically job seeking almost daily for three years before official retirement as the local, tricycling clown.

Compulsory job seeking [even in an employment  vacuum] had its price. I would ride out in my tricyclist's clowns outfit at temperatures down to -10C. That was before I found secondhand winter cycling togs in the charity shops. The agony of cold hands and feet should not be underestimated in the unemployment statistics but never seem to feature.

As I pedaled around the wastelands of my little bit of Denmark I saw the village shops, with long decades of local service, were suddenly all gone. All of them! The previously fat, estate agents desperately tried to pretend all was still well. By filling the newly haunted windows with their own [unsold] wares. "For sale" signs outside rural homes slowly faded to illegibility. To match the mood of the totally non-existent, buyers. Buyers, if any,  who had no need, or desire, to pay the market price. They had only to wait long enough!

Forced home auctions became the norm after years of highly visible neglect. Family dreams died in exchange for an absolute pittance from impoverished "first timers" and a few developers. The latter would abuse Eastern European workers, at [illegal] Eastern European wages, to 'tart up' these former family homes into liberally whitewashed rental properties.

Meanwhile the unsold "properties" [homes and businesses] dragged down the whole area. As Japanese Knotweed replaced the rows of bedding plants, neat lawns and discounted supermarket shrubs. The same lawns were soon long beyond the help of a mere, inherited and knackered petrol mower. They sorely needed a modestly sized harvester and baler to make any real impression. The hedges grew so tall that birds nests easily outnumbered the remaining inhabitants.

Home buyers are constant improvers. They want to show off their assets and impress others of their taste and wealth. Even if it means borrowing against their assets to do so. In the absence of home buyers the DIY and furniture stores suffer. Foreign money bought up all the DIY outlets and stripped away all the "interesting" stuff. To be replaced with highly profitable, identical bubble packs on identical racks. So another branch suffers steady decline, a complete lack of choice and far fewer skilled staff are required or retained.

Builders suffer too and many vans and offices vanished from the daily scene. Once thriving garages and workshops find their customer base becomes smaller and much more demanding. The obvious crooks go first but the trend is always downwards.

Meanwhile the politicooze, on their private 1st Class, neo-Louis 14th, non-stop, gravy train, play their endless games of musical chairs. And play their parts as talking heads with the mutually parasitic media. The politicooze has no answers to life's real problems. Religion, outside the alien invader's ghettos, had no new new answers either. So the Danes voted with their feet but forgot to turn off the central heating boilers. All either superstition could ever offer were the same, old simplistic lies. As they endlessly hiked their own salaries and fiddled their expenses to maintain their crooked and/or deluded egos. I find it best to ignore them in the interests of what remains of my sanity. I was never much one for celebrity worship.

If you still adhere to any semblance of what passes for modern reality then I suggest you simply move to another country. And then see how important the News from Home actually seems. But remember, you are far more likely to die on the roads than from any "breaking news."

What you do with your own body is <cough> largely your own business. Just don't expect me to pick up the tab when your shit hits assorted fans simultaneously. Exercise of mind and body requires an expectation of some suffering. But at least you know, with every fiber of your being, that you are still alive! If everybody else, on Earth, is put there as an example to others... then why the hell would you copy any of them? Least of all me! 😎

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10 Jul 2017

10th July 2017 The Juvenile problem.


Monday 10th 59-66F,15-19C, calm and bright with a milky sky. Cloud and rain possible this afternoon. Walked to the village. There were a few showers but I was too busy for a ride.

"Overcast" was too boring. I was feeling arty, so I'm calling this one: "An excess of cloud." Just to be pretentious.

I had to blur out a magnificent, soaring Red kite in the foreground. Just in case any Scottish landowners became overwhelmed by their zombie money blood lust.

Tuesday 11th 59F, 15C, overcast and breezy. Rain or showers forecast for most of today and tomorrow.

Walked along the empty rural lanes. Juvenile Blue tits were dangling upside down from roadside trees just to show off to each other. Next week they'll be gang members and hanging about on village corners.

The traffic was light enough to allow me inner circumspection in the lulls between chronic tyre noise and bouts of intense and physical self-preservation. Some cheeky swallows were resting on the asphalt and they pay NO road taxes [N]OR insurance! Where will it all end? Probably with short, sharp showers. Today, I have mostly been a martyr to damp hair. I didn't get where I am...

Tesla announces production of its cheaper electric car. Thanks to hefty import taxes it is expected to cost the equivalent of several millions of US dollars in Denmark. Sales of all electric vehicles in Denmark are expected to remain at absolute zero for the foreseeable future. This is [according to an anonymous Danish government spokesperson] to prevent [quote] any "Tree hugging, hippy, Danish eco warriors from ever getting their hands on an electric car!" [My exclamation mark.]

All Climate science is currently treated as a major terrorist offense in Denmark. With life imprisonment, without parole, the automatic sanction for merely uttering the term "AGW" in a public place. The Konservative government has already sent messages of congratulation to President Dump for threatening to pull out of the "ridiculous" Paris climate accord.

In breaking climate news: A Danish power station is being modified to the tune of a billion Danish Kroner to burn <cough> imported wood chips from Canada. The power station is surrounded in fields producing big bales for <cough> burning in power stations. Edit: It seems some of the wood chips would come from Poland and other Eastern European states. The EU is presently hauling Poland before the courts for felling its forests.

A billion kroner towards the democratization of Danish energy production, with local, domestic solar, would go a very long way towards Denmark meeting its CO2 reduction commitments.  Particularly if the power was used to charge batteries in <cough> electric vehicles. One can only assume that centralized energy production is a <cough> "nine little earner." Is the CO2 cost of shipping imported fuels half way around the globe included in the importing country's climate tab? [Where a "tab" is a debt to be repaid, with massive interest, by our grandchildren.]

Wednesday 12th 57F, 14C, heavy overcast but calm. Overnight rain is expected to continue with wind and brightening later. It must be an age thing. There was the threat of rain in the air as I walked towards the village. One moss covered house ridge was dotted at intervals with sparrows and swallows. No ride today.

Thursday 13th 55F, clear, sunny and breezy. Enjoyed a short walk in breezy sunshine. Another busy day avoiding tricycling.

Friday 14th 57F, 14C, breezy with a bright milky sky. Showers possible. Short walk along the lanes. The crops are all changing colour as they ripen. Rode my usual Saturday route. Only 16 miles trying to keep my cadence high. Progress was being made on a new cycle path but not yet surfaced. The contractors seem to be laying drainage and service under the cycle path to avoid digging up the roads.
Saw a couple of buzzards. Chased two Teslabikers for a few miles. Rather breezy but it didn't spoil the pleasure of a ride in the gorgeous countryside. An elderly gentleman on a bike stopped outside a shop to say he was disappointed with this summer's temperatures. If it's not over 20C then it's not a real summer, apparently.

Click on any image for an enlargement. 
It wont be any better. Just BIGGER!

8 Jul 2017

7th July 2017 It's [all] fluffy, man!


Friday 7th 60-68F, 16-20C, rather cloudy but almost calm with showers possible. There was some light rain as I walked to the far woods. A wonderful peace seemed to have settled over the brimming crops. As swallows chased each other just above the fluffy heads of grain. My camera seemed to be struggling with the low light levels. Producing a rather soft focus effect under the dense canopy of the beech woods. The undergrowth sprawled its untidiness everywhere to conceal familiar, small, field ponds from view. A keen cyclist passed me on a TT bike with a following car, carrying spare machines with disk wheels.

Later afternoon ride, climbing and descending via the forest. Which looked absolutely gorgeous through yellow glasses. Free sunshine under grey skies. I passed a hunting bird of prey with long, narrow wings with black tips. Marsh harrier? Only ten miles.

Saturday 8th 60F, 15C, heavy overcast, light winds, threat of showers. I was allowed out for my usual Saturday morning ride. Quite windy going both ways. Saw a couple of nice, classic cars and a Red kite. Not necessarily in that order. Using the cadence reading to maintain my revs. I'm getting [almost] used to 8 presses of the single computer button to reach Cadence but it's not exactly instant gratification. 16 miles.

Sunday 9th 56F, 13C, bright and sunny all day but comfortably warm. Too busy for a ride.

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6 Jul 2017

5th July 2017 TeslaBoys and Girls.


Wednesday 5th 60F, 16C, bright, but rather cloudy, with variable wind. It sounds as if Volvo has no plans to sell any cars in Denmark from 2019 onward. Volvo is only building electric cars from that point on. Unless some billionaire Dane plans to have a go at The Guinness Book of Records, Volvo doesn't have a hope in burning climate hell of ever selling a single electric car here. Not with present import taxation of 7000% and only one [token] charging station in the whole country and that only takes Nigerian Bitcoins.

Where AGW is concerned one has to judge any government by its actions. Not by its [ever] hot][ter] air at the global climate feasts. You'd think the lack of need for winter salting of the roads would pay for an electric vehicle, import tax reduction, but no. "They" are saving hard for a third, coal-fired aircraft carrier instead. Just to show tiny Denmark's unique importance as a major military power. [Using imported North Korean coal, for fuel, no less!]  You'd think that nice Ms Margrethe Westager would sue Denmark for a lack of commitment to CO2 reduction competition. 😎

In Breaking Climate News: The Danish Prime Minister has announced that henceforth Denmark will burn only McLardy's litter in all its many, coal burning, power stations. This is instead of importing Polish timber chippings, as kindling, exclusively by air freight. It seems there were complaints from Danish farmers about all the wind turbines spreading sawdust far and wide. The sawdust was mixing with all the pig's manure and forming a hard crust on their fields. Too busy for a ride today.

Thursday 6th 50-68F, 10-20C, calm and sunny with thin, high milky cloud. I was just reading that Denmark, like Germany and Holland is seeing electric cycles as an increasingly large fraction of all new cycle sales. Denmark is still behind the 25% electric bike sales of the other two countries but expected to match them soon.

Electric cycles are becoming established as normal transport rather than primarily for the elderly and infirm. Image is vitally important to those transferring their loyalties to the battery bikes. Particularly if they come from a cycle sport/club training background. So pedaling to make progress may be another important factor in equipment choice.

Buyers are probably not looking for an electric motorcycle or scooter so much as a battery driven bicycle with normal pedal assistance. The fitness aspect from continuing exercise is desired to match their reduced levels of fitness. My own feeling is that many battery bikes are still very expensive. A scooter with internal combustion engine, suspension, disk brakes and gearbox is a far more sophisticated yet often cheaper option. Many electric cycles look [to me] like recycled, old-fashioned, heavyweight roadsters. With add-on electric components almost as an afterthought. Many seem not to have given a second thought to carriage of shopping or parcels. There are some very expensive motorized "mountain bikes" around. A cross between road and off-road to suit those who demand more aggressive styling for the run to the local shops.

There has been a rash of accidents where older riders find the increased performance of electric motors rather too much for their limited skills and increased reaction times. I have seen a few "hairy" moments where Tesla boys and girls have pushed the limits when cornering fast in wet and slippery conditions. On a normal bike they would never have been travelling at a speed which would have put them in danger. Like all new forms of transport it will take a while for the Darwin statistics to settle down. Elderly [motor] bikers, buying the latest high performance 200mph motorcycles are [probably] far more likely to kill themselves.

At this point I really can't recommend an electrically assisted,  sporting tricycle. The cornering is far too "iffy" to make the conversion a particularly safe project. Not without thousands of miles of pedal driven, triking experience first. Many people imagine trikes as inherently stable compared with wobbly bikes. Nothing could be further for the truth where lightweight trikes are concerned! Leaning trikes do make far more sense but are not universally available. It's far easier to throw some hefty water pipe together in Asia and flog it off to those who never knew any other kind of bicycle or tricycle.  

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3 Jul 2017

3rd July 2017 A cry for help?


Monday 3rd 60F, 16C, bright and rather cloudy with light winds. A wet and windy morning is forecast. Short walk with heavy showers not arriving until 10.15 am. Followed by thundery showers at lunch time and for hours afterwards. Still rumbling and flashing after 3pm.

There has been a lull in the carpet bombing of local verges with McLardy's packaging. I thought perhaps the perp had "suffered" a stroke when their grease trap had became completely blocked. Then the recent arrival of yet more litter made me wonder if takeaway litter was not a subconscious cry for help.

Are they trying to tell us that their addiction to junk food is slowly killing them? Is this the reason why drug addicts throw away their dirty needles in public places? Why smokers cast away their dog ends? "Help me? Because I cannot help myself?" Whatever.

The opiate plague seems to be a similar form of slow, global suicide. There cannot be a single person left on the planet who does not know the dangers of smoking, injecting, idling, drinking or eating their way to an early grave. It seems large numbers of the human race are opting out with a voluntary euthanasia contract with the Small Blue Dot. Good on 'em, I say. Don't let the pearly gates door hit you on the way out.

Why not make these nasty habits legal? Give them away if you like. Just don't bother to treat them in a hospital at "our" expense. We who eat sensibly, exercise, maintain a healthy weight and avoid "empty stimulants" wish you luck on your [much shortened] journey. Talking of which: Did you see the "beached whale" story in New XXXXXXL Jersey?

Tuesday 4th 55F,13C, bright, windy and rather cloudy. Expected to clear up with some sunshine. Walked my familiar route up to the woods and back the other way. I haven't done that route for quite a while. Only a solitary bird of prey to report. I was soon clogged up with muddy boots. The strong wind and heavy plates of cloud gave the woods a rather menacing atmosphere. Until the sun came out and the mood lifted.

Late ride to the shops. Thanks to the tailwind I cranked it up to 20mph for quite a distance. Only 10-16mph coming home again. 7 miles.

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1 Jul 2017

July 1st 2017 Excused trikes.

Saturday 1st July. 56F, 13C, light winds with a heavy grey overcast. The 24 hours of constant rain may be reduced to occasional showers but it seems darker now, at 7am, than at 11pm last night. It might brighten later. So I may still get my Saturday morning ride in, even if a trifle belated.

A walk to the village in decidedly soggy conditions after yesterday's rain. The usual crop of thousands of brown slugs were playing "chicken" in the road. Cheeky Swallows dived close past me for a bit of weekend fun but I refused to be intimidated.

Late morning ride to the shops. Cruising at 18-20mph with a tailwind on the way there. 8-19 mph coming back suitably laden. Used the tri-bars to push it back up to 11-12 mph. Brooks saddles are not ideal for such larks! I speak form personal experience. Flat saddle spines are best. Struggling to maintain high rpm these days. 16 miles. Mostly uphill.[ Going both ways.]

Sunday 2nd 58-66F, 14-19C, overcast and breezy. A rather cloudy day with 30mph gusts is forecast. There were showers in the morning. One of which had me turning back early from my walk. It became warm and sunny later but I was "excused trikes" on the grounds of responsibility to my ongoing garden project.

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30 Jun 2017

30th June 2017 Defensive Walking.

Friday 30th 57F, 14C, light winds, still raining. A very wet day and night is forecast. With yellow warnings of cloudbursts. There was only steady, fine drizzle as I walked defensively against the commuting traffic and their tyre spray. Not that walking against the traffic helps when a lunatic in a black Alpha overtakes a lorry on double white lines and then uses all the road to drive at twice the speed limit past numerous blind, private drives, before arriving at the next blind corner.

Very unusually, a young woman with a pushchair was walking with the traffic towards the bus stop. It is rare indeed to ever see another pedestrian.  I looked on in fear as every car had to take violent measures to avoid her on the same blind corner.

Autopilot cutting every single corner in both directions is the absolute norm in Denmark. Every double white line is worn down to grey on every corner and along many straights. I have seen solo driving instructors and police cars following exactly the same line. Crossing the double white lines by at least a yard/meter on even the gentlest of corners is perfectly normal behaviour. They do this whatever is coming the other way. The oncoming vehicle is fully expected to use their own verge to avoid the corner-cutting psychopaths! I kid you not.

One can only presume that all drivers are taught to drive this [suicidal] way in Denmark. They don't know the law regarding double white lines and so they simply don't follow the rules. Logic would suggest that cutting any blind corner, where a large proportion of drivers overshoot, on double white lines is a recipe for national disaster. These drivers wouldn't last a day in Gravely Blighted unless they changed their own behaviour.

Will Google have to exclusively change their self-driving software to cater for illegal, Danish driving habits? Perhaps we should be told? Many commuters will certainly have to drastically alter their timetables if Google's software refuses to exceed the visual braking distance on blind corners. How they will cope en-masse with cornering at such modest speeds is difficult to say. Will psychiatric help be required for the millions who do not engage their brains before turning the "ignition" key? THis all takes place in a country where speeding is the norm. As is tailgating anybody not driving at 10-15kph over the legal speed limit in town, village or on the motorway. There is no basic human right to be allowed to drive at the speed limit in Denmark. Not without constant intimidation.

"They" even lower the speeds shown on the speed indicator boards at the entrances to villages by 6-7kph. I have always assumed this is to avoid embarrassing too many drivers. As they enter the village to flashing yellow warning lights to indicate their illegally high speed. Even these warning lights have a carefully adjusted delay to avoid embarrassing too many drivers by flashing as they approach at some ridiculous speed. The obvious logic would be to have flashing yellow lights on the backs of the boards as well. So anyone downstream is forewarned and the speeding driver has his conscience pricked.

So the faster they drive into a village the less likely they are to see the speed indicator board actually register a lower, but still illegal speed. Or to be warned of their poor behaviour by the flashing lights.

The following vehicle, which may well have slowed to the legal speed limit, is presented with a completely false [totally random] speed reading and the flashing lights caused by the vehicle they were following! If this is meant to be a traffic calming measure then it is poorly thought out, often poorly installed, very poorly calibrated and a constant irritant to better drivers.

 I have been reading the speed indicator board on the way into a local village for 20 years and in all that time it has read consistently 6kph slow when I see 50kph on my speedometer. The difference is enough to mean a fine if I used these daft indicator boards as a guide to my actual speed. The same error held true through various changes of vehicle so it isn't a unique speedometer error.

A new speed indicator board was recently installed in another village and yet again reads significantly low. Though that does not stop it flashing at almost every motorist who recognises a straight village road as an open invitation to speed. At the end of the straight is a blind bend with a crossroads just beyond. Where I witnessed the aftermath of a very serious, multi-vehicle "accident." With one car cut in half lengthways and a minivan on its roof! This in the middle of a village with 50kph [30mph] speed limits for miles in both directions! 

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29 Jun 2017

29th June 2017 About [North] Face, People!

Thursday 29th 60F, 15C, uniform grey overcast. Showers or rain forecast with a warning of cloudbursts. Pop festival "goers" might like to take their inflatables with them. I am, of course, referring to dinghies, not their BFs. It is 2017 and literally millions of years since we stepped down from the trees onto damp grass and we still can't cope with a bit of "heavy dew!"

Impatient Mink gulls waiting for the first band to come on.

Most weatherproof clothing is either not waterproof enough, or as sweaty as an over-tailored bin bag. In fact some of them may be as sweaty as the Asian or South American sweat shops where they were produced by [literally] forced economic slaves working in cramped, 98F conditions in 20 hour shifts. Sweat shops where fires are ignored and the "staff" forced back into often unsafe buildings while the fire continues to burn. About [North] Face, People! Enjoy that great feeling of the Great Outdoors in all your expensive finery. And remember, it's only a fire drop of rain! Actually a bit more than that locally: A short walk followed by a very wet day without a ride.

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28 Jun 2017

28th June 2017 See me, Jimmy! 😳

Wednesday 28th 55F, overcast, becoming breezy, showers promised.

I have removed the earlier piece on publication [by the mother] of  an image of a person who "flashed" himself repeatedly at her 10-year-old daughter in a supermarket car park. The mother captured a still of the person from the security camera footage.

The image was published before the suspect was later tried and convicted. My earlier sympathy with the disparity between the fines for the original "offense" [of flashing repeatedly] and the publication of image of the "suspect" had assumed the person had already been found guilty in a court of law. The online news story had not made that very clear.

My attempt to use the case an an illustration of the difficulty of sharing cycling action cam videos [or stills] still holds IMO. In many other countries videos and stills are often used online to shame bad drivers [or other people] who are behaving badly or illegally in a public place and, by their own actions, seriously endangering the public.

Appearing in public inevitably places one in the range of almost countless cameras these days. Any expectations of privacy must be balanced against expected minimum standards of public behaviour. If one has registration plates on one's vehicle [as is required by law] then that vehicle is uniquely identifiable to almost all who see or record the vehicle's actions. Only a fool would assume they enjoy total anonymity. If the driver then behaves like an idiot they have only themselves to  blame if they later appear in a YT video with the registration plates clearly visible.

 Filming and later publishing any obviously illegal or poor behaviour should surely be a normal, human right. The camera owner becomes a local extension of the law when the police can't be everywhere. Their images should be taken seriously by the police even if they themselves were not actually present. Sharing images of bad driving behaviour could result in a dangerous criminal being denied their license to repeatedly commit dangerous crimes against the public. Sharing identifiable images of violence could limit a sociopath, terrorist or gangster's freedom to cause mayhem.

It seems to be often the case [in Denmark at least] that the police do not attend every single crime scene. Assuming a shopkeeper has video evidence and a living suspect, who has the stolen goods concealed on them, how is the shopkeeper to react to being told the police will not attend? The most obvious "justice" in this case is to publish the images of the illegal behaviour and identify the [supposedly innocent] criminal. What other recourse does the shopkeeper have if they are to stay in business?

Yet, in Denmark, the shopkeeper will be prosecuted even for sharing images with fellow shopkeepers as a warning on who is on the prowl. When does the "greater good" of public privacy outweigh the rights of a shopkeeper to remain in business? Or should he act as a free outlet for every scumbag who wants to leave without paying? If only to maintain the right to privacy of the very scumbags threatening his [very] public service.

One could stretch the case that public supervision of the public themselves, by camera, could lead to some kind of authoritarian, controlling hell. I would argue that this is very far removed from sharing a few videos online, of bad, or dangerous behaviour. The public already monitors and often reports bad behavior. The difference is only one of kind. Using a camera is apt to be far more accurate and useful at identification than fuzzy memory alone.

Bottom line: Where it is blindingly obvious that many drivers speed past an unfenced, school playground why may I not record the actions of those same drivers? Why may I not place that video on YT as a gentle means of persuasion for all drivers to behave like competent adults? Rather than sociopaths without a care in the world for the consequences. Simply because they know that police cars and radar traps are as rare as unicorn droppings in rural Denmark. This is not remotely a criticism of the police. Whose duties, numbers and funds are primarily controlled by politicians.

Tomorrow, and Friday in particular, will be very wet. Deluge levels of wet with possible cloudbursts are forecast.  

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26 Jun 2017

26th June 2017 Blustering slugs!


Monday 26th 61-64F, 16-18C, windy and rather cloudy, showers possible again. Short walk in a blustery wind. A Red kite was soaring along the edge of the road looking for breakfast.  It was almost overhead at only 50ft when it pulled away across the fields. The flocks of Starlings and Sparrows indicate another good nesting season in continuing mild weather.

Now all we need is a common bird which actually likes eating slugs. We collected half a builder's bucket full from our lawn one morning. Well, The Head Gardener did, while I supervised and acted as advanced spotter. The edges of the roads are always heavily splattered with millions of slugs after rain. Perhaps it is the mono-culture crops providing perfect conditions for them? Though that doesn't explain their taste for drag racing against cars on damp asphalt. A skill at which few seem to have become truly accomplished. At least, not so far. Perhaps we are never lucky enough to see the celebrity winners? They may go off to be cheered by adoring crowds of fans back in the fields. No ride today.

Tuesday 27th 50-65F, 10-18C, rather cloudy but almost calm in the garden. Took a longer walk today. Along the side of the marsh, the pond and looping back along the curving face of the woods. Hundreds of brown ducklings moved in separate convoys around the far edge of the pond. Far enough away to make a mockery of my camera's reach. Their haste to escape turning dark and shady water into streaks of brilliant light. No herons did their familiar, ceremonial laps at my intrusion today.

Three buzzards circled overhead, each higher than the other and calling plaintively. As I craned my neck and tried not to tip over backwards. I paused at the highest point of my walk to watch as the shadows of clouds and spots of sunlight moved, or faded in and out, across the gentle landscape.  Distant rolls of large hay bales awaited collection on a steep hillside. Leaving me wondering about the incredible stability of farm vehicles on such remarkable slopes. A breeze has picked up now but it shouldn't become a nuisance.

I have a parcel to return to the post office so should hopefully get a ride in today. And did. I saw a girl pull out of a rural junction up ahead and assumed I would soon catch her. For a sit-up-and-beg roadster she couldn't half move! I can only presume she was another TeslaGirl. She put half a mile into me in only a mile and I was doing 16-18mph. I commented to a chap in the long queue at one supermarket that we would soon be queuing next door.  To which he responded in English. "Your Danish is awful!" No, I hadn't just moved here. Ask any of my past colleagues from those 10 years of sharing my pidgin Dansk.  Only 7 miles, returning heavily laden and trying to keep my cadence high. It looks better on the climbs if one crawls at a <cough> "stylish" 100rpm. <sigh> 😉

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21 Jun 2017

21st JUne 2017 Pass the [gilded] cup of sugar, please?


Wednesday 21st 55F, 13C, bright with a light breeze. The shortest day, including for bees, allegedly. The vital little creatures are under attack from all sides. Industrialized, mono-culture, sprayed to death, prairie farming is robbing them of wild plants and shelter hedges. The Head Gardener is doing her best to provide masses of different flowers which bees are known to enjoy. However it is but one garden in a truly vast wildflower desert. 

The gorgeous grasses on the verges are briefly allowed to flower. Before being cut down to avoid contaminating the fitted carpet of right-up-to-the-edge crops. The verges are now just paper thin skirting boards. The roadside hedges long gone to allow vast machines to effortlessly spray and harvest every last, square centimeter to comply with EU rules on soil exploitation for stashing offshore profits.
Meanwhile, Denmark has been voted the best country in the world to live in. Perhaps they just counted all the Audis and Denmark had more per-capita than everybody else put together? 👍 All joking aside, it does feel very safe here compared with the universal crime, grime and aggression of [forever going backwards] countries like Gravely Blighted. Conversely, I was reading an article yesterday about it being almost impossible, even for the Danes, to integrate into small, village societies as outsiders. Which is fine if you don't want the neighbors dropping round for endless cups of sugar. 

Obscene inequality and the resulting crime is becoming a problem in many places in Denmark. But it will probably take centuries of sustained effort before the universal crime level of GB is ever reached. I was reading that if Broxit forces retired ex-pats back to Blighted it will cost countless billions and literally hundreds more hospitals just to keep them all healthy under the constantly grey skies of the NHS. So, be careful what you vote for. Politics must surely be the most uncalled for calling. They give professional liars, con men and cheats a very bad name! Well, it is the oldest profession. 😎

Another busy day, not riding tricycles. Though I did tidy the tricycle shed. 

Thursday 22nd 55F, 13C, cloudy, light winds with rain on and off. I managed only a half a mile walk  before it started raining. So I made a quick about turn. Much cooler today but should warm up later. It did. Another, exhausting, rest day. More shed tidying.

Friday 23rd 60F, 16C, someone forgot to turn the lights on this morning! Lights, please? Showers possible.

I hear the Utterly Corrupt Illegitimates are changing the rules for the major cycling Tours. From now on only 176 motorcycles are allowed to ride in the peloton. At, least, I think that is what they are saying. I'm still waiting for a ban on petrol-engined media motorcycles. But the UCI is probably getting far too much from their motorcycle manufacturing sponsors. So they are  unable to stop petrol fumes belching into the faces of the riders on the high mountain climbs.

It only takes one motorcycle to pass me to be able to taste petrol in my mouth for the next five minutes. As I pant along on the three wheeled, freight carrying steamroller. So, does this mean there will continue to be more electric motors in the race than following it? There are other ways to thin the traffic jams on the tours. Ban wheel changes for punctures. Just for a start. Drop test CF frames to increase longevity. Disposable 10k machines are ridiculous. But what do you expect under the UCI?

Went for a walk in misty, fine drizzle. The wrong sort of mist and the wrong sort of rain for landscape photography.

Saturday 24th 60F, 16C, very heavy overcast, breezy with showers. Possible brightening after lunch. Walked down to the village in spitting rain and variable wind. No sign of ducks or coots on the ponds. Another idiot had overshot a blind corner and ploughed up the verge. The same willow has been knocked over three times now. It keeps getting bushier but flatter on the ground. With spots of rain on the windows it might be wise to wait until later for a ride. It wasn't. So I spent a while spreading half a ton of gravel by shovel just for the exercise. Followed by assorted pull-ups and general monkeying about on my climbing frame.

Sunday 25th 60F, 16C, rather cloudy with wind and showers. My walk was timed to perfection as huge drops started falling the moment my feet touched asphalt. Fortunately the sky was  moving so  rapidly there wasn't time for a soaking and it had moved on almost before it had started. It became quite warm, though breezy later, walking back in brief sunshine. The warblers dominated the soundscape again today. While lots of sparrows dashed about having untidy flying lessons. A gaudy pair of Goldfinches worked their way down the hedgerow. It looks as if I made it back just in time to miss a real shower.

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20 Jun 2017

20th June 2017 On shrieking apes and things.

Tuesday 20th 61-68F, 16-20C, light winds, bright but rather cloudy. Another sleepless night feeling too warm at 80F indoors. Today is supposed to be cooler. It has reached 68F before 10am. Went for a short walk to stretch my legs. The wind has picked up again but the clouds are clearing to warm sunshine.

Don't you wish you had such an exit to another world?

Did I mention that the verge where I attempted to emulate the Wright Brothers tricycling feats  has been filled in with gravel? Has somebody been reading my blog? Or did some local dignitary notice my recent "arse-over-tit" and pull some strings? Would it be ungrateful and totally disrespectful to say they are just a tad late? Only joking. Anything which helps to keep this old fart in the saddle is good thing in my book.

Talking of which: I was finally allowed out in the later afternoon. Having shopped I was on my way back up the high street, heavily laden as usual. My way, and that of the busy traffic was baulked by a poor imitation of a human being sporting an oversized <cough> people carrier as he tried to compensate for his personal inadequacies by parking in the high street right across a busy crossroads. Strictly a no-parking zone for miles with perfectly adequate selection of free car parks and free pull-ins along its entire length.

The reason for his stop? He needed to cross the road to perform some ignominious errand on the other side of the street.

Having waited for the traffic to filter past him I pulled out around his tin, family minibus and began to accelerate. But the traffic terrorist hadn't finished yet. He gave me a long blast on his horn to show that he was amongst the chosen, if local, elite and and was [probably] a real Viking in a former life if the truth were known.

Not only that but he raced up the very low speed limit, shopping high street and then reversed rapidly into his own private parking space less than 60 yards further on! He had already vanished indoors in the seconds it took me to reach the spot. Whether he was desperate to brag about his great victory against the tricycling riff-raff, or simply afraid of a confrontation, we will probably never know. 

Have you noticed the close similarity between the sound of shrieking apes and car horns? The similarity does not end with the merely audible but extends to their having precisely the same purpose. Sound an alarm to gain sympathy and to show your hierarchical feelings have been hurt by the lower orders impeding your rapid upward progress through life to some imaginary state of [obese] perfection.  The moral of this story? I know where you live and wouldn't swap places for all of Trump's dreams of avarice. My sympathies for your intolerable plight! Seven miles, still not out. 🙉

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19 Jun 2017

19th June 2017 An unspoilt moment in time.

Monday 19th 62-78F, 17-26C, sunny, with high cloud  and no wind. Last of the warm summer days for the moment according to the Danish media. We might see 77F again today. I find it much too warm to work outside in such hot weather but do so anyway.

I woke early and walked around the 3 mile rural block after breakfast. It was warm and still. With the wind turbines slowly grinding to halt beyond the hill. Several hares explored the asphalt ways before slipping out of sight back into the crops. It is a strange concept that the crops hide such enormous numbers of wildlife.  Many of which live out their lives completely unseen.

I was assaulted by birdsong at every step and equally delighted by the huge variety of grasses and wild flowers on show. The variation in crops is becoming ever more noticeable. Even my weak sense of smell could not ignore the sweetness of freshly cut hay and the childhood memories growing up in the unspoilt British countryside. That was before the Earth was invaded by alien traffic, of course. It took only two or three years in the 1960s to lay waste to all which lay before it.

The gentle Danish landscape has sensitized me to variations in contour. The arrangement of folds and woods catching my eye and demanding another photograph. To add to my already vast collection.  I love the way the farmer's spray tracks can lead the eye into the distance. The combination of artifice and accident of line adding their own, unique charm to the heavily cultivated landscape. Much of it No Man's Land, so that it might as well be heavily mined as far as public access is concerned.

Denmark has never enjoyed the revolution of access brought about by ramblers and walkers in the UK. The Danish farmers are supposed to leave corridors beside hedges and waterways but the rules might as well be written in Old Martian. Old, forgotten pathways are lost to the constant increase in field sizes. As smaller farms fail to find anyone to pay the taxes to inherit the losing battle against vast prairies, factory farming and giant mechanization. I know of only three public paths from memory in all my tens of thousands of miles of travels over the length and breadth of Fyn. Only two of which are marked as such. Though it has to be said that most privately owned woods and forests offer freedom to wander on existing paths. It has just reached 78.3F [26C] at 4pm in the shade. It is windier now and I'm still hoping for a ride.

I finally left at 4.30pm, only realizing I had forgotten to buy bread when I was half way home. I was passed by two different cyclists making it look completely effortless as they passed me at +10mph. You can't be a cyclist without cycling often enough and far enough to call yourself a cyclist. Not when you are a tricyclist and carrying shopping as well. If the shopping bags were any larger I would make a very good tortoise. Nine miles.

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12 Jun 2017

12th June 2017 Wrong-sided by the Sun.

Monday 12th 60F, 15C, bright and breezy start. Expected to be a little cooler today with a risk of showers. Just a short walk along the lanes in a blustery gale as jumbled clouds raced across. Dark masses accumulated but it stayed dry until I made it safely home. Only to dump a very short shower on my heels.

A pretty, village pond enjoying quiet domestication.

A morning of gales and repeated showers which continued into the afternoon. I headed off to the shops via a detour along the lanes. A young chap went past on a racing bike and I tried to follow. I cranked it up to 19 and then 20mph but he was leaving me well behind.  I just don't have the legs for it any more. Hardly surprising with my limited mileage these days. Fortunately it stayed dry. Though I was being pushed around by the wind or fighting a headwind. There didn't seem like much of a tailwind on offer. Only 11 miles, returning heavily laden. Down to 6.5mph over the last stretch.

Tuesday 13th 55F, 13C, heavy grey overcast but almost calm. The forecast is dry, but with strong winds again later. The ducklings disappeared into the reeds on the far side of the church pond just as I arrived.

After another busy day without a ride. So I decided to go out at 6.30 to explore the evening before dinner. A 20mph rush with the wind along the main road, up a long drag and then hard left and back along the empty rural lanes. I can't remember the last time I rode in the evening. The sky was very dark at times but with a golden wash on the crops making familiar scenes almost magical.

The sun was on the wrong side of the sky and illuminating whole new vistas. Even when the sun disappeared behind clouds the light was softer than I usually enjoy. I came out of a stretch of extremely rattly cobbles to discover a gaggle of club cyclists in their smart uniforms gathered just around the blind junction. Perhaps they were steeling themselves for the cobbles? They all seemed very cheerful as I rode on towards home into a headwind between rocking trees. I wonder how many mad tricyclists they come across on their travels? 12 miles.

Wednesday 14th 58F, 14C, bright and not so breezy. Walked along the marsh and back through the woods. Saw [and disturbed] several deer. Windier now but almost continuous sunshine. Too busy for a ride.

Thursday 15th 61F, 16C, bright, sunny and calm. Showers forecast for this afternoon. The sky is milky from persistent vapour trails. Short walk but no ride.

Friday 16th 61-68F, 16-20C, bright and breezy but rather cloudy. Possible showers. Returned from a short walk to find several baby wrens on the doormat. Their mother had built a nest in the timbers above the porch. She was still going back and forth to the nest while the babies scattered amongst T.H.G's potted plants. Seconds later, huge rain drops fell from the sky. Though it was over just as son as it started. I left the wrens to sort themselves out as soon as the doormat was clear enough to go indoors.

I have hay fever again with violent sneezing and a bin full of damp hankies. I'm a martyr to Ragweed. [Ambrosia artemisiifolia] I sneaked in a late afternoon ride to the shops in a gale. Thanks to the wind it felt almost chilly at 68F. Seven miles.

Saturday 17th 59-72F, 15-22C, bright and very breezy again. A walk to the village in bright sunshine with a gusty wind. The baby ducks were absent again. Rode to more distant shops with a tailwind allowing 18-20mph. A Bullfinch was shouting from the fence surrounding the supermarket car park. Total chaos in the supermarket due to one woman with two trolleys filling the belt. Why couldn't she stuff her bags at her car outside in the sunshine? Head wind coming home and a struggle to maintain mid 90s cadence. 16 miles. Too warm trying to work outside in the sunshine at 72F.

Sunday 18th 62F, 17C, rather overcast but expected to brighten and be rather warm again. It was already a "sticky" 67F on my walk as the cloud cleared to sunshine and constantly changing, cloud shadows on the crops.

I paused at a field entrance to find a small baby bird at my feet. Probably a Great tit judging by the colours. Meanwhile the parents were chattering their alarm from the overhead trees. So I left it them to their own devices. No doubt the tiny thing is already being treated for PTSD with a few favourite "buggy" snacks. Taking of which, the McLardy's packaging has been shredded by the verge cutters. What you might call accelerated decomposition to increased bio-degradation. Or an even worse mess if you prefer. No ride today.

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5 Jun 2017

5th June 2017 I'll get me wellies!

Monday 5th 58-66F, 14-19C, bright and breezy. Enjoyed a 40 minute walk to the village and back in a gusty wind. The ducks are still in residence on the church pond and no sign of the aggressive Coot. The sparrows have obviously been "busy" because there were small clouds of thirty, or more, in places. Noisy little devils, they are, too.

Got flowers?

The cuckoo on the marsh was sounding more urgent than usual. As swallows pulled effortless G-turns which would make a human pilot's eyes pop! An immaculate, cream coloured, Morris Minor went past with a wooden slatted, picnic rack on the boot. A couple of cyclists out training returned my greeting as they flew over a small summit with the following wind. Just living the dream.

But not the deer, allegedly. The Danish Hunting wotsit has calculated that farmer's harvesting kills upwards of 20,000 baby deer each year. [Lambs.] So they are using drones in their battle to save the lambs from the slaughter. Or should that be "for" the slaughter? Whatever. 😉 Late afternoon ride to the shops. Only 7 miles.

Tuesday 6th 60-74F, 15-23C, bright and breezy again. Rain forecast for after lunch. I am still aching all over so could do with an enforced rest from my project. Just a short walk along the lanes to loosen my tired muscles.

Now that's what you all a real verge! Chest height, goes for miles and proud of it.

Off-white drifts of catkins decorated the edges of the road under the tunnel of trees. As did small clouds of minute insects. Each rising and falling within the formation. There were fewer birds today except for Chaffinches and Wagtails. The crops are remarkably uniform in height and texture. Too busy for a ride today. The first rain was a torrential cloudburst at 6.45pm.

Wednesday 7th 53-58F,12-14C, grey, cool and windy. Rain and gales forecast for later. I managed only a quarter of a mile before it started raining. Then it kept it up for the rest of the day. With gales for added charisma. I tidied the shed and made a new parking place for the trike where I could actually get past. It's an ill wind...

Thursday 8th 58F, 14C, a bright but very breezy start. Walked briskly to the village to find the church pond devoid of visible wildlife. Unless you count the swallows skimming the wave-tossed surface, of course. The two ducks were dozing on the lawn by the large, private, garden pond again. It was probably a farm pond in the dim, distant past and looks well at the bottom of a gentle slope. There are often large Herons skulking about on the far side in the reeds and Irises.

Rain forecast for this afternoon with the wind slowly easing. I am almost guaranteed a gate pass from The Head Gardener for a morning ride to the shops. I must remember to give the Brooks B17 'Special' a wipe over with clean rag after giving it a hand massage with Proofide yesterday. The top, copper, nose rivet is looking slightly "loose" as if the leather is under strain.The first sign of any visible deterioration since I tied the skirts together. Just look at the quality of the workmanship, that gorgeous, real leather and the solid copper rivets! Even the Carradice 'Camper' is playing its part. All very mellow and reeking of vintage cycling. 😊

A wet and windy afternoon after an exhausting morning did not a tricycle ride make.

Friday 9th 57F, 14C, heavy cloud, breezy and wet. Potentially heavy and thundery rain forecast. It must be summer. I used the weather as an excuse to dismantle and blow the dust off the senor on my camera. It didn't take long and the piece of dust or fluff was clearly visible on the tiny sensor. During a momentary brightening I became foolishly optimistic and took to the rural lanes for my walk. Hares seemed to be coming out of the woodwork this morning. Even a hunting tabby cat came toddling down a spray track towards me.

At about half way the sky suddenly turned black so I turned back too. The rain soon went off so I kept snapping away at the fields under a moody and occasionally ragged sky. Within a quarter of a mile from home it suddenly changed its mind and rain began to fall like stair rods. I was soon soaked but it hardly mattered when one can change into dry clothes in the warmth and shelter of one's home.

It brightened up so I took a chance on a window. Left my trike lock keys behind and had to return. Feeling very warm, at 72F @ 1pm. Forecast warning for cloudbursts possibly with hail and thunder. Only 8 miles.

Saturday 10th 55F, 13C, bright with blue patches, light breeze. Some sun forecast. Walked up to the woods and back going anticlockwise. Manage dot get my boots and trousers sopping wet from the tall, uncut grass on the tracks. Several hares were lolloping about in the spray tracks. I have hay fever for the first time in ages. I have a ragweed allergy so perhaps it's a good year for that. Too busy for a ride.

Sunday 11th 64-74F, 18-23C, bright and breezy. A dry day, warm day with cloud and sunshine is forecast. I'm still aching all over from yesterday's carpentry activities. I am delighted to report that a female Mallard was shepherding ten, young and fluffy chicks on the church pond. The dawdlers can't half put on a burst of speed when mother calls. The bow waves from their rapid movements were crashing over the reeds! One of them even aquaplaned the length of the pond! Another daydreamer. The sun had gone in behind large plates of speckled and barred plates of cloud. There were only brief glimpses of sunshine despite the blue areas. With 27C or 77F a possibility for later I hope it remains cloudy or it will be unbearable trying to work out of doors. It was already 70F before I left for my walk. Still too busy for a ride.

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